Sands (1958 2004)
to subs: headline may need to be changed now)
Ciaran Balls, irelandprick.com
45-year-old satirical republican at the centre of
Friday's abduction drama in Belfast city centre has
promised the Angrytown News that he will not
be taking any complaint against fourteen men arrested
at the scene who last night were charged with unlawful
imprisonment, GBH and IRA membership.
an exclusive interview on Sunday at a Belfast hospital
45-year-old Jimmy Sands said he had made no statement
to the PSNI about the alleged kidnap now at the centre
of a peace process storm. Legal sources agree that
if 45-year-old Sands carries through his promise,
then the case against the men will collapse. Legal
Sources go on to say a retraction in a well-known
community newspaper would be even better.
fourteen men charged last night will appear at Laganside
Magistrates Court this morning. 45-year-old Jimmy
Sands solicitors will tell the PSNI today that
he will not be pressing charges against his alleged
abductors. That is, according to legal sources, if
Jimmy Sands knows what is good for him.
an exclusive interview with the Angrytown News
at his hospital bed the 45-year-old republican accused
the British government of using him as a political
hours before his alleged abduction last Friday evening
the 45-year-old told our reporter he was being targeted
by both the Provisional IRA and loyalists. However,
despite claims to the contrary, he now insists Friday's
incident had nothing to do with a paramilitary dispute
and was a fallout from a drunken argument. No, really.
experts told the Angrytown News yesterday that
45-year-old Jimmy Sands take on events had the
potential to collapse any case the PSNI may pursue.
"So long as the fourteen men arrested have not
made statements, Jimmy Sands refusal to press
charges should wreck any case the PSNI might bring,"
said a legal source. Touch wood.
Sands admits his recollections of Friday night¹s
events are now unclear. But what he is sure of is
that he was not kidnapped. Definitely not. "What
I can remember is a quiet drink in Kelly's Cellars,
explained a bloodied and bruised 45-year-old Jimmy,
Then clearly there was some difference of opinion
between me and the fourteen gentlemen in balaclavas
who came in with you. I have no idea what it was about.
You know how it is, one moment youre having
an argument, the next someone gets upset and one of
youre lying bound and gagged face down in a
pool of your own blood underneath four large men in
medical overalls with baseball bats in the back of
a transit van speeding out of town. Weve all
had evenings like that havent we?
have not and will not be making any complaint to the
PSNI about this so-called kidnapping affair. I will
sign an affidavit confirming this was not a kidnapping.
I swear. Please, you have to believe me. The PSNI
have been hassling me ever since this so-called rescue
to make a statement, but the only one I'll be giving
is to my solicitor saying I will not press charges.
Is it ready yet?"
Jimmy Sands insisted that reports carried in weekend
claiming the kidnapping was the work of the IRA were
wrong. "A newspaper photographer gained access
to my room on Saturday and took my picture while I
was drugged," he added. "I have no recollection
of using the words I dont want
to die, South Armagh or the
full Danny Morrison treatment, but if I did
I understand that this may have been caused by the
Sands feared IRA elements
than two hours before his alleged abduction on Friday
night 45-year-old Jimmy Sands told the Angrytown
News that certain unauthorized elements of the
IRA were conspiring with loyalists to have him murdered.
On Thursday the Angrytown News discovered both
the UDA and UVF were in possession of his
secret South Belfast address and movements, after
a freak gust of wind blew loyalist documents over
the peace wall.
confronted with the revelations outside Kelly's Cellars,
where we had agreed to meet, the leading satirical
republican accused IRA members of waging a vendetta
against him and passing the information on to loyalists.
"They want the UDA or UVF to do their dirty work
for them," said Sands. "There are those
within the IRA who want to murder me. But this will
in no way have been sanctioned by the leadership."
Sands, the former IRA and INLA OC of the Lesser Antilles,
was adamant that mainstream republicans wanted him
dead because of his links with the Real IRA. 45-year-old
Jimmy Sands denied being the Bermuda OC of the Real
the 45-year-old admitted to offering the Real IRA
comedy advice. "I have never been a member of
the Real IRA," claimed a defiant Sands. "I
have friends who are members and because of this sections
of the IRA believe I am involved in dissident republican
his meeting with the Angrytown News, Jimmy
Sands appeared nervous and agitated asking Does
anyone know were here?, Where are
these documents? and Who were you calling
just then? He showed medication which he claimed
was prescribed he was receiving for stress caused,
he said, by 30 years of conflict. At one point this
reporter got the distinct impression that Sands had
was also suspicious that he was being monitored by
the PSNI. This fear was reinforced when, during the
interview, a friend approached to warn us that the
'peelers were looking on'. Seconds later a uniformed
patrol passed us as we spoke.
could get whacked at any time," he said. "I'm
constantly looking over my shoulder and never have
a gun far away from me. That's why I'm taking all
in a bad way but I'm not leaving my new home and I'll
still walk the Falls Road during the day. Night is
a different matter though, I wouldn't dare enter West
Belfast after dark. What with all those loyalists
Jimmy Sands was adamant that he would soon face an
attempt on his life, claiming on several occasions
that he was likely to be dead before Monday. Despite
this he was keen to stress that his argument was with
certain sections of the IRA and not the movement as
want to make it clear that my problems are with certain
sections of the IRA and not the movement as a whole,"
said Sands. "It is not the movement as a whole,
there are just one or two people who are waging a
vendetta against me.
we parted company Jimmy Sands told me that if anything
happened to him in the coming days: "to tell
the truth. Tell them everything that I have told you.
Tell them it was the loyalists. Or unauthorised".
Two hours later and what was left of his face was
all over the TV news. Jimmy Sands was 45.
of this article originally appeared in the obituary
column of the last edition of the Angrytown News due
to a technical error.]
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